Jeremy Said

1. My dog ate it

Digital Translation – My computer got a virus

The infamous “my dog ate” can no longer be accepted as a viable excuse these days because, well there are just so many better ways to say it, and frankly teachers or employers just are buying it.  However, one that they have difficulty proving and rarely have heard these days is, “my computer got a virus” This has instantaneous success.

2. I lost my keys

Digital Translation – My cell phone battery died and I couldn’t find my charger anywhere.

Digital Translation – My cell phone battery died and I couldn’t find my charger anywhere.

This excuse has monumental ramifications.  The reason being, EVERYTHING is on your cell phone.  How to get to class/work, phone numbers for people to call, your email, heck even your homework you can store on your cell phone (google iphone app air sharing)

3. I went to the wrong conference room

Digital Translation -  The message I got when I called into the conference bridge was “ I am sorry, this conference call is now full”

This is a great one.  Often times when I worked at a company that I am not going to name (IBM HA) … when I didn’t want to actually call into a conference call or I was late for a meeting, I would just use, “I got this weird message that the conference call is full”  Nobody could prove it, and it gave me an hour of my life back to do more work (or to goof off).

4. I guess it got lost in the mail or my mailman isn’t very good

Digital Translation – did you check your junk mail?

True story for us though when we were in Wake Forest J.  Our IRS taxes were sent back as well as our statement for our insurance, but you cant complain to the government. However, I did hear of a hotline you could call to complain about your mailman (or do you have to say mailperson these days) but I doubt if anyone even answers the line.  If you ever hear me say, did you check your junk mail, I probably forgot to send the email

5. I gave the memo  to so and so…

Digital Translation – Hmmm, maybe I sent it to the wrong email address or, one I use often, dern.. it was in my draft folder, no wonder

Long gone are the days where you can say, I gave it to so and so, because well lets face it, nobody prints anything anymore.  (I know I am going to take some slack for that).  Again the draft folder excuse or I sent it to the wrong email adderss works wonders, especially if they have a common name.  You can go as far as blaming it on the type ahead feature in your email client selecting the wrong person.  Good stuff here.

6. I wasn’t home, so I didn’t get your message

Digital Translation – I think I was in a dead zone all day, or my phone is acting up because it got wet, I think I have to get a new one

Classic line used in many scenarios.  Could be a good one to get rid of a potential stalker or even to avoid the pointed haired boss man on a weekend. Whatever you use it for, be careful.  Remembering what you lied about often takes a bigger toll on you than just telling the truth.

7. The library didn’t have that book… teacher!

Digital Translation – The website was down all day, I couldn’t do anything

A great one for college students and even high school students alike.  This could potentially become more of an issue as education systems depend more and more on technology.  We will see how this one unfolds.

8. My grandmother died (still a favorite I think, I think mine had like 9 lives)

Digital Translation – My grandmothers computer died

Ok, so I feel really bad now that all my grandparents have passed on, however they saved me on many occasions. I honestly think my grandmother had 9 lives.  The downfall to this is again, you need to remember where you lied, and who you told that to.  So instead of committing this horrendous sin, just use a much simpler one, one which repenting for will be much easier for conscious relief.   My grandmothers computer died. I mean, how can grandma keep up on her Facebook status if something happens to her.

9. I stopped in at your office, your secretary said you weren’t there, weird.. I will try again later….

Digital Translation – I shot you an email about this last night, didn’t you get it? Are you sure you are reading all of your emails? Let me re-forward it again, sigh!

The issue with the old excuse is the victim could easily check with their assistant to see if what you were saying was actually true.  Now, by using technology, they have no idea how to get in touch with the IT guy to check and probably figures that it would be way too much work.  This one is GOLDEN!

10. I forgot

Digital Translation – well..its on my calender, I am not sure why it didn’t remind me. That’s weird.

Blame it on technology. That’s the name of the game.  By the end of this post, you should feel much more versed in using technology in the art of “getting by”. I take absolutely no responsibility for anyone using any of these suggestions however I can almost guarantee that these will work with repetition and practice.  Please let me know if there are any I forgot to add or that deserve a top 10 mention.